Being a straight male, I am sure that I am genetically pre disposed to dislike shopping. I find myself frustrated with people banging trolleys into me, pushing past me and spending hours queueing.

So this evening whilst on my way home from work, when my wife texted me saying “lets go shopping after work” you can tell that I was filled with deep joy!

I normally manage to find a way out of shopping, but if I have to go then I usually occupy myself either in the vegetable area looking for ideas of stuff to grow, the fresh fish counter thinking of stuff to cook or more often the wine area thinking of what to drink!

And so this evening I found myself in the Wine section.

Now I don’t know lots about wine, but I generally know which ones I like and which I don’t like, and I am always keen to know more.

This evening I spotted that one of the wines we had drunk before and enjoyed was on offer. A nice Prosecco. Now I was first introduced to Prosecco a few years ago by friends of mine who live in Zurich, who prefer it to Champagne, we tried a few different sorts here in the UK and found one that we particularly like, that normally sells for £9.99, putting it in the “occasional” drinking column for me.

This evening the shelf said this wine was 1/3rd off – so only 6.66? Well worth a bottle. In fact, lets get two and put one away for another night.

Except as seems to be the rule in Supermarkets, if it’s on offer its never on the shelf. This always annoys me. It sometimes seems that the supermarket mafia have organised for all the “deal” items not to be available. You think there are tons of deals but can never get one yourself…. Or maybe I am just a bit paranoid.

Anyway, not wanting to miss out on a good deal and now already tasting the wine, I set off in search of a shop assistant. You know, the teenage ones who shrug their shoulders lots and tend to grunt a bit when you ask them questions.

Unable to locate a single shop assistant on the whole floor of the supermarket I ended up heading to a desk for enquiries. After queuing about 5 minutes whilst someone in front of me was returning a can of deodorant (I didn’t try to hard to listen as to why) my time came and I explained to the young lady behind the counter my problem and asked “is there any chance you could check out back and see if you have any there”

Her response? “Sorry. I can’t do that.”


“I have to check it on the computer and that will tell me what to do”

OK…. seems like a plan

“what is it you are looking for?” she asks

“Prosecco” I say

“Whats that then?” she says obviously confused.

Ever the helpful customer I reply “it’s and Italian Sparkling wine”

“Oh – Champagne” she says

Without thinking I was there “Well no actually, you see Champagne can technically only come from the Champagne region of Fran….” I peter out. Why on earth am I trying to tell this Girl about where Champagne comes from… “yes” I continue “you may well have it listed under champagne”

“How do you spell it?” she asks. I spell it.

“It’s Italian right? What’s it called in English?” she asks me. *Facepalm*

I explain its got the same name in English as in Italian, starting to worry ever so slightly.

Eventually she finds it on the computer. Yippee!

But hang on – it couldn’t be that simple. “Pete!” she calls her work mate over “I got this wine on the computer but the code against it I don’t recognise”

Pete huffs over to the computer screen as if she is being dopey. Stares. Presses a few buttons and then stares again. Concerned.

“I never seen that code before” he says. Oh dear….

“Tell you what” says Pete, “why don’t I just nip out back and have a look!”

I only just manage to contain myself, mentioning that had been my original suggestion 15 minutes ago…..

Thankfully, Pete knows his way around the storeroom and within two minutes I am adding my two bottles to the trolley. Just as my wife appears round the corner, daughter trailing and says to me – “Is that all you’ve done for the last half hour, get two bottles of wine?”

I bite my lip. Hard.

I Hate Shopping.

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